A Box with a Bow

Recently at the hospital I met a man who was recovering from surgery to replace a heart valve. His calm demeanor didn’t quite match what I usually encounter on my visits. As the conversation moved forward, he shared details of what he had been through. I quickly knew that I was in the presence of someone with a great deal of life experience and wisdom.

We began discussing the troubled times in which we live. To which he responded we've always had hard times. His response came with authority. He knew.  He proceeded to share that within this past year he had lost his wife. His beloved who had kept him going while he was serving in Vietnam with letters of love and encouragement. He had been given Last Rights, a sacrament given by a priest to those who were at high risk of death, 3 times in his life. Obviously he had survived those close calls and now he grieved for his wife who preceded him to heaven. The one who walked alongside him during his traumatic suffering. He choked up as he remembered.

Because this man appeared to be at peace and he did not hide his feelings of deep sorrow, my curious mind kicked in. I yearned to learn more about his life. He enlisted in the army the day John F Kennedy was killed. He had three deployments, including Vietnam and the cleanup efforts from the shuttle Challenger catastrophe. He recalled summers when cities were left burning due to highly emotional protests. He mentioned Sept 11th.  This man knew what he was talking about when he said life has always been hard and he was a witness to it.

With all this man had been through and the grief he was currently experiencing I was amazed at his determination to be healed and ready to take a group of college students overseas for study within 2 months. He was the head of a department at a local college. He had previously worked at some very reputable colleges including Duke. He educated students on Homeland Security and international relations. One of his finest accomplishments that held the most meaning for him was helping to get the Vietnam memorial built in downtown Indianapolis.

The world has always been hard. My question for him was how do you do it? Many come back from Vietnam, and they are unable to recover mentally or physically. Many take years to regain their footing when grieving a spouse. And yet you sit here with a calm demeanor, remaining true to your emotions, continuing to strive in your purpose in a hospital bed, recovering from heart surgery.

He paused for a minute to think and then he answered. He explained how he recalls the pain occasionally. He sometimes gets triggered. For the most part he puts it in a box, ties a string around it with a bow on top. In my attempt to confirm what he had said I asked him if I heard him right. I asked him if he would say that he figured a way to compartmentalize and manage his emotions, without stuffing them down, and ignoring them. He agreed with my interpretation.

Hmmmmm

What if we took those really difficult situations, the trauma from our past, the suffering we're currently dealing with and the tragedies that will come and instead of pushing them down or hiding them what if we managed them? What if in our processing we seek the opportunity to place that pain in a box and maybe we don't even tie a string around it yet. Maybe we wait until we get a little bit further along in case we need to open the lid easily for further healing. And then maybe we look for a time in which we can tie the string around that box, more intentionally choosing the moments that we would revisit the past? And then what if we look for a time to put a bow on top of it with a goal to fully accept what we can't change.  We quit fighting the suffering and the pain, we surrender to it. The box will always be a part of us. We should never forget but maybe with a bow on top we give permission to God say I do believe that you can make all things new, even the tragic pains that sit in our heart.

Was the Vietnam memorial project the bow on top his war box? Was it a tangible way for this hero to acknowledge the tragedy, accept the unchangeable and learn to live again by placing the suffering in a box never to be forgotten? While metaphorically keeping the box with him he moves forward onto his next calling.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he also carries a box of love letters.  

We owe him and every military person and family out there so much!

Stay blessed ya’all!