A High Impact Hug!
All dog owners know that part of the gift of coming home is the joyful greeting of the loyal pet that missed you. Wonderful videos of military personal returning home to a dog who cannot contain the excitement and reuniting a pet with its owner who were separated during a hurricane are heart filler uppers, that never get old. One Friday I was greeted in such a way from one of my longtime homeless friends. Before I even entered the building, Zach (not his real name) came running to me with a huge, glad to see ya, hug. No need to wonder why Friday mornings, spent with homeless young adults can often contain the highlight of my week.
Zach and I began our relationship over 5 years ago. After a few ‘get to know ya’ talks, I proposed this question, because you call yourself an atheist, can you tell the meaning of your tattoo of angel wings? They wings were to honor his grandmother, who he believed was an angel looking after him, the only person he ever felt loved by. Hmmm, said my mind. The conversation was messy. I was wanting to know more about his beliefs, without causing offense and yet trying to define in my mind an atheist who believes in angels. My curiosity would have to settle with no clarity.
The fact that I still do not understand how all that works, and yet our friendship has strengthened over the years is cause for celebration. To help us volunteers maneuver the complicated relational space of spending time with people who have experiences that are nowhere near anything that we can comprehend, Outreach provided some training. Encouraged to first do no harm and then just try to make them feel seen and heard was simple yet not easy. We are unable to even begin to solve their problems. We are there to help them with basic survival needs, a safe place, a place to be clothed and fed and a place where they feel accepted.
When working with people in trauma, we must recognize that brain has suffered greatly. Mechanisms that the brain uses for survival often turn into unhealthy patterns of belief. The mind desires to protect the body from emotional pain. The memory would rather deny or hide points of suffering. When trauma happens to a child and the mind isn’t fully developed and the child has no healthy adult resources to process the pain, the child’s brain does the best it can. Every homeless kid that comes through the doors has developed unhealthy coping mechanisms just to survive.
Zach and I have experienced many conversations throughout the years. We grieved lost job opportunities, toxic friendships, incomplete pregnancies with girlfriends, and an unsuccessful collaboration to get his treasured guitar repaired. His self-destructive behaviors peeked during Covid when he was so self-medicated that he temporarily didn’t even remember who I was. His season of blindness latest many months. So imagine my joy when this lost young man who did not know me for the last couple of encounters, embraced me with a knowing hug. A sober Zach, who is know trying to seek truth yet again and has relocated his yearning for a new purpose, a real one. He has a new girlfriend; he says this one is good for him and she is carrying his child. I pray that the trauma he carries can heal, one step at a time.
One never knows what occurs between the visits with the homeless friends… could be good, could be bad.
Whatever the case, I am……
Holding on to the truth that Zach is a God’s child, loved unconditionally.
Holding on to the promise that Zach is never alone.
Holding on to the hope that our Creator is a Blessed Healer.
Holding on to the promise that God can make all things new.
And until something in my understanding changes, I’m holding onto a hug, one that reveals Zach is receiving love. In the mind of a trauma victim the wall to protect from feeling the pain also keeps Love at bay. If the path to love is open, God can enter the scene. If the path is closed, as it was for Zach during Covid, when he didn’t even see the people in the room who cared for him, it goes against God’s promise of free will, for God force his way in. I think He is counting on people like you and me to represent Him when the darkness overcomes the light. We can be the ones to help bring the light in, it begins with a crack.
Who is God putting on your heart to help spread His Light? Who is hurting so deeply that they may not even give God the chance to enter in? What can you do in your family, in your culture to spread the good news? Consider the fact that the simplest gestures may contain the most fuel. Keep you eyes open for people who may feel unseen. What can you do? A smile, a generous tip, a kind gesture, a phone call, a visit, a random act of kindness are just a few ideas. Trust me when I say, you will gain more than they do…
I’m writing a story about a homeless kid who has captured my heart! He has had way more impact on who I am than I have had on who he is…
Zach and I chatted briefly after the hug. He shared his good news of becoming a dad of which he was extremely excited. He then said to me… I did something that you are going to hate me for… I assured him that there is nothing that he could do to make me hate him. He then informed me that he sold his beloved guitar for $30.
Wow… after all of the time, he remembered our conversations about his guitar. He remembered our friendship… you see most of these kids are so hurt they can’t remember. The fact that Zach remembered affirms that in all the awkward conversations, he felt seen by me. That hug is an honor and a privilege and a God wink, that I don’t need to be perfect for God to enflame His love.
Be a light! It makes life worth living!