Invisible pain

We all do it. We all reference our own experiences and knowing’s to relate to others. It’s human nature to find understanding in what we can reference. When we have a shared memory of similar injury or illness, it’s not hard to relate to the pain. What do we do during the times that our family and friends are dealing with something that isn’t easy to comprehend? We can look to respond in ways that are helpful.

Several weeks ago, I tore my meniscus while turning to reach for a towel. Nothing special about that story. This injury took away most of my mobility freedoms as I needed crutches to function physically due to pain and weakness in the knee. Losing independence is incredibly humbling and frustrating and a perfect place for me to learn. To see from a different perspective is a challenging yet empowering gift.

God uses everything for the good of those who believe!

One of my big takeaways was how I lacked the confidence needed concerning my body in what it was telling me. Years ago, when I broke my foot, I had directions as to how to care for it. The X-ray revealed the injury. Doc gave instructions. I followed them, straight and simple.

With a meniscus tear, doc directed me to do as my body told me. Pay attention to the swelling and pain. Move it as you feel called. Stretching and strengthening should occur at your pace. This type of instruction is in alignment with my personal preference, so I was surprised when some comments made me question my decisions.

For a long time, I have believed the messages coming from my body can give great information to the medical experts. With a wholistic approach, I feel they listen to a more complete analysis. I respect the intelligence of the doctors who have been able to provide such healing and direction, and the discoveries in science that help us fight cancer and live longer lives. When they listen well, I feel like a great team is formed for the best path of care.

My philosophy, gather information from those who know (doctors, chiropractors, holistic practices, friends who know, etc), consider the information only I can know (provided by my own body and mind), discern through prayer, make my best decision.

The most challenging part of my philosophy is naming what is happening in my body, gathering the details, and measuring the information. I must admit my self awareness piece of physical evaluation and expressing the descriptions of those findings is not an easy task. Time and intention are necessary.

With the instructions given by my doc, I proceeded in moving forward on my healing journey. Just turning 60 I felt I was feeling confident in my own decision making until…Two separate encounters caused triggering. The first one I just blew off as a joke but the second one caused me to pause and eventually realize something I hadn’t thought about before.

The friends, who I adore, who set in motion my dilemma, meant no harm. They spoke a language that many of us understand and have most probably said to others. They were using the references they knew to bring forth laughter in a teasing kind of way.

An unintentional revealing that brought into light why trusting my own evaluation of my injury is challenging….

What was it they said?

“Are you doing this for attention?”

The response I kept inside my head is… a sixty year old woman on crutches. Why? Why in the world would I want to get attention by awkwardly walking around on these cold crutches? Is there something special about that? Does it make me look cool?
Believe me, I am not looking for sympathy. I did however question myself… am I? I arrived at this answer: I am making the best decision for me, to protect my knee and the other knee from any further injury.
I was wearing a very beautiful dress. Would I seriously rather people see a sterile metal tool of assistance than my dress? No

The wrestling in my mind caused me to take note as to what was triggered. How many times in my younger years did I hear… are you doing this for attention? Are you really sick? Brush it off, you’ll be fine.

Let me go further…how many times when you were a kid did you hear… are you doing this for attention?

Oh boy, I heard it as a kid, and I said it to my kids…

If this concept resonates, pay attention! It most probably has affected the way you see your body, through a muddy lense of uncertainty.

If you are anywhere near my age, know that this is a cultural response. It was in our water! Everyone spoke it!
Remember these old sayings:

What do you have to cry about?

Children is foreign countries are starving, eat your food.
Unless you have fever or vomiting, you must go to school?

Covid blew that old way of evaluating illness out the door. It changed everything and I’m glad it did.

The reason I’m glad that that philosophy changed due to a pandemic is because more invisible injuries are now being exposed. We are being forced to pay attention to emotional injuries that have been hidden and stuffed down. We must accept and respect the wounds we cannot see and help heal the scars that remain.

We must dig deeper to believe the truth that lies inside of us. My knee injury is minor! It will heal! Many internal injuries cannot heal until they are brought into the light. We must listen to the ones who suffer in silence.

A great exposure that must come forth….
Who is needing attention…whether they seek it or hide it, paying attention to those we are doing life with can make a difference to someone suffering on the inside. It could be the difference between life and death.

Is someone talking suicide?
Are they staying in bed all day?
Are they drinking too much?
Do they not care about their own body?
By cutting?
By not eating enough?

and on and on.

The response of not giving attention to those behaviors is damaging to a much greater degree.

We must trust what others say. We must grow in compassion and empathy. We must look at the hearts of what is happening inside the ones we love and not dismiss it because we can’t see it. Yes it may feel hard to walk beside someone who suffers in ways that are gut wrenching to watch but can’t we try? If we don’t try, if we cling to what we know, if we dismiss what they are experiencing, we send a very unloving and detrimental message to the one in pain…
They may internalize a message that tells them…
They are unloved
They are messed up
They are damaged
They are too much
They don’t matter

Let’s practice kindness.
Let’s listen
Let’s be brave when our hearts don’t want to hear the pain.
Let’s walk alongside.
Let’s follow the teachings of Christ!
Let’s love!

Some of you may be thinking, I believe I have done all I can. Sometimes this is true. At the end of the day the person with the pain has to decide they would like help. If you feel like there is nothing more to do then do this,

Pray!

It is enough.

Stay bless ya’all!