Answering The Phone
Answering the cell phone
Adapting to a world in which we all carry our own phones was a gargantuan adjustment for me.
Compartmentalizing use of the phone was easy for me. Learning technology was not. I was content in waiting. By the time I got a phone most of the adult world had one already. Because of life challenges (the fear I have of learning new technology), I learned the value of simplicity (a revelation that freed me of the pressure of having a beautifully, seasonally, perfectly, decorated home). Another worthwhile practice I embraced was being fully present (this also may have been a coping mechanism put in place when I realized that I wasn’t as successful at multitasking as I had thought.)
With all the changes that were occurring, phone interruptions were growing into a grand irritation. Outings with friends lost some of the fun, if their phone was part of our dialogue. When attending meetings or listening to speakers, if people in front of me were engaged on their phone or laptop, I could not concentrate. I would either move seats or my frustration would rise, and the value of my attendance was wasted. A phone ring during a movie would derail me for a time. Disclaimer: I was by no means perfect at abiding by my own expectations.
One Sunday at a church service, one of the “elders” made an announcement. She declared that phones going off during the sacrament were disrespectful. Her delivery was a command not a request. You could see heads nodding in agreement (I may have been one of them). The next week at the Sunday service, that lady turned crimson red when her phone rang. She got caught in her own dialogue! Immediately I thought holy cow that could be me!
My attitude needed adjusting or my bitterness was going to make me crazy. Nothing could be done to change these intrusions. They were not going away. Our handheld devices were quickly becoming a paramount part of our wardrobe. Purses contain charging devices, watches function as computers and even wedding dresses being made with pockets (personal favorite!).
Internal mindfulness was imperative. My mind began adjusting in the transition. One key to eliminating my frustration is not expecting others to do what I do. Some friends need to be ready for that phone call, a situation that holds urgency, a call that does not have a scheduled time, or a child or parent that may be in need. I have learned to trust their decision knowing that there are times when I may need to keep my phone available. Other friends are unavailable because they have hidden their phone, escaping the stress, enjoying some breathing space. Compartmentalizing my phone (putting it away) is a practice I treasure.
Most of the time my phone is not in my eyesight and the ringer is off. Because of this practice I have made lots of observations over the years of how people respond to that phone call when it does delay an in-person conversation. (It is not eavesdropping when you are sitting at the table. You cannot help but hear.) What I am about to say next may get me in trouble and I may risk never be invited to coffee or lunch again. To any friends who have hung out with me please know this observation is a broad accumulation of information, with no one person in mind.
With all the years of phone disruptions, I believe that I have developed a superpower! Without knowing who is calling, I can predict with fairly good accuracy the person on the other end. This is not accomplished by previous inklings in the conversation or listening to the voice or spying on the phone. The clues come from the words and delivery of the friend answering the phone. If the call is coming from someone who is bringing frustration, it is very easy to sense the burden. If the caller is one who is bringing good news, the demeanor is upbeat. The caller who is bringing sad news usually brings about silence.
As with most things, when I observed the impact, these partial conversations were having, I became curious as to my own behavior. How do I sound on the phone? What is my demeanor when others call? When I see who is calling do I answer differently?
One of my favorite authors, Bob Goff, divulges his personal cell phone number in the back of every book he writes. Bob is one who keeps his phone on him most of the time, unless he is spending time with Sweet Maria, his wife. He will even keep it on when he is speaking to an audience, incorporating it in his remarks. I have called the number twice. The first time just to test if he would answer. The second time I really did have a question. He answered both times! When he answers it feels like he is genuinely happy you called.
Can you imagine how many phone calls he gets...yet he answers with an upbeat expectation. I decided that I am going to try to answer the phone like Bob does. At times, my moodiness can get in the way, but I am getting better. My phone conversations have become more enjoyable. The old days of answering the phone cautiously because I just knew there was unwelcome news coming, have moved aside. Enjoying hearing my phone sing has moved in. You never know what exciting news may be coming. This new practice is returning me to my youth, when the (landline) phone would ring for the whole house to hear and everyone would run to grab the receiver attached to the wall with a long curly chord in hopes that a friend was calling with an invite to a sleepover.
What other practices could be implemented to take the chaotic busy times we are in and return to the days of yesterday when the rapid pace of life and the consuming stress of our culture where at a much more manageable level?