Belonging.

“Each one of us is a story. We were created by God as a story waiting to be told, and each of us are invited to seek a way to tell our story. In the telling we come to recognize and embrace ourselves. People without a place to tell their story and a person to listen to it never come into possession of themselves.”

-Richard Rohr

A person who listens is a rare find these days. Even more extraordinary is that companion who respects the storyteller and understands what should be kept confidential. We all yearn for that friend and yet it is quite challenging for us to reciprocate the gift of a trusted and authentic listener. As we become older, the value of that relationship becomes increasingly more important. Through our own mistakes and the pain that comes at the hands of others through betrayal, the need for someone like that in our lives becomes more of a necessity.

Reflecting upon my journey, and how belonging was and still is a huge driving force, has been an informative reveal. To simplify it, my definition of belonging was developed through a loving family, with a simple childhood. By simple I do not mean perfect, we had many bumps and heartaches. We did not, however, experience any traumas or heartwounds, such as out of order grief, poverty, oppression etc. We had extended family events, holidays, days spent at lakes, with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. 

My high school friend circle is the envy of many. We were as diverse in personality as you can get. Our group continues to grow throughout adult lives inviting women back who may have stepped away for a season. Life took them on a unique adventure for a while. We have invited friends that did not go to school with us. They can add value through their own perspective, and we can walk with them in a season of pain. At the end of the day the people who return are the ones who can tolerate us. We are a lot. Obnoxiously fun, deeply caring, ride or die friends, that everyone deserves but does not always find. A group of friends that you can move in and out with, planned gatherings of dancing and eating and drinking while knowing that when the next person suffers, we are here to pray and support them in the best way possible.

Most probably, we have some classmates that would say we were the mean girls. While teaching, many years after the offense, I was convicted of treating a classmate cruelly, I had to give a long overdue apology to a friend who did not even recall what I was talking about. Sin sits deep. I felt great relief when my mind could let it go. Having two daughters walk painfully through high school without the same experience I had, I recognize that we are incredibly blessed. (If you are a classmate and need an apology, please give me the opportunity. Please, let us chat.)

Moving through college, early marriage years in Milwaukee, early years of being a mother in Indianapolis, I recognize that I was just planning to gain relationships like the ones I knew. Because I have an attachment addiction (when I meet someone I like, I want to be friends forever), I became very discouraged at the inability to replicate the rich relationships that I had grown accustomed to. In each of those places, I met many wonderful people, some of which I remain in relationship with, but the connection was not as easy. Touchpoints were not as easy to find when you are moving in so many different directions with your kids.

Life was becoming more complicated. I began to question my ability to be a good friend. Finding common ground was complicated. Within the friends and family, opinions were growing with conviction. Marriages, babies, challenging life choices were all changing the landscape of a simple childhood. New friendships were not straightforward. Misinterpretation was one of my strongholds. Loneliness crept in. Lack of confidence was growing. This is not a good emotional space for a young mother.

Then God showed up! They say this happens when you are rock bottom or unfulfilled at the top. In my loneliness, He came down and grabbed my hand. The message was clear. I was not alone. He had been waiting to help but He could not until I gave Him permission. (You know, that free will thing) Yearning for the Love He was promising, I clung to this new knowing. That I was a Child of God, his beloved, never to be left alone again. 

After this discovery I felt like I was walking on clouds. The love I was feeling and yearning to express felt like it may explode inside of me. Very soon that feeling left… darn if it was only a destination. I soon discovered that this life is a journey. 

At age of thirty-five, discovering the love of Christ would only be the beginning. Before discovering the personal God, the one who created us, I only knew of God. For the rest of this earthly journey, I will spend time learning the truth about the amazing God we serve, the creator of the universe! Some seasons of life have not been very productive on this learning journey, but other seasons have produced great fruit. God will honor the time I spend. He is kind and merciful.

 Now the demanding work begins... We must dismantle all of those lies that our minds have attached itself. After 20 years of breaking down strongholds I am honestly unsure how many more lies inside of me need to be broken. That concern can be frightening. The closer I get to the Lord, the more I recognize how flawed I am. The great news is that the more we learn of our own brokenness, the more love, and mercy, God pours out. Breaking through the lies, breaking the bondage that gets in our way of receiving the love of our God. Freedom in Christ is the goal. 

How do we develop a deeper understanding of the gift of God’s unconditional Love? Educating ourselves helps a great deal, studying scripture is a powerful resource. Letting God guide our steps with his Word covers all. Studying his word in bible studies reveals the perspective of others and enlarge the landscape of our thinking. 

Reading stories of people who use the bible as their resource is also helpful. This is a place that my faith entrusts value in the lives of the Saints, everyday people who has lived life according to the will of God as opposed to their own will. The list of authors rooted in biblical beliefs is extensive. You may have a list of your own. My favorites include C. S Lewis, Brene Brown, Richard Rohr, Bob Goff, Priscilla Schrirer, Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer, Stormie Omartian, and Miles Mcpherson to name just a few. 

Autobiographies are another way to learn about the children of God, which each one of us is. To learn about how others live is to broaden our understanding of the beauty of the human life and the gift God gives in every life. To read about Corrie Ten Boom, Elie Weisel, George Washington, Lacrea, Danny Goeke, Helen Keller, is to see the beauty in diversity, the strength of the human spirit, and the importance of our own life, as we discover that God has great plans for every one of us.

Now is the time to expand your story. Whether you are a reader, a listener, an artist, an explorer, an academic, a professional volunteer or anything else, God wants you to know you are loved, not because of those attributes but just because you are his child.

Whether you are stressed, broken, messed up, addicted, lonely, or lost God wants you to know that He has a great purpose for your life.

Seek the truth as to who you are meant to be. The only way to this Truth is from the One who created you.