PP Addiction
What’s your addiction?
In his book The Myth of Normal, Dr Gabor Mate claims that every human has addiction. Some addictions are obvious from the outside through behaviors. Other addictions are easily hidden from the world, or so we believe. When teaching his classes, he asks his audience to raise their hands if they do not suffer from any of the following addictions and then he then states a long list. He has never had an audience member who does not raise their hand. When reading an informative book its easy to skim past internal reflection to gain knowledge. In the past that was my habit but when reading the list, the word relationships jumped off the page as if it was illuminated with bright flashing neon lights.
… hmmm probably need to discern what that’s all about.
As I reflect on my past, my eyes can see a moving thread that weaves throughout so many disappointments, heart aches, and regrets. The complex fabric of who I am appears to be directly tied to relationships. This truth could be universal, but my self-assessment mind wants to discover the why.
Although I remain unsure of the root of this broken way of thinking, the result of the lie is the struggle I experience in being a people pleaser (PP). As long as I can remember I have yearned to be a gift to the people around me. Some days this goal is not accomplished, and I fail miserably. Failure leads to a destructive path of guilt (that stems from my perfectionism addiction). This process is uncovering many patterns of addiction.
Returning to the PP problem, this is what was revealed. Social time is a priority! FOMO is real! Time spent with others, even if unhealthy is better that being alone. Don’t be critical of others, hide your feelings. Read the room, if someone is hurting, you may be able to help. If you are unable to help someone, it’s probably my fault. Never allow a friend to move on, cling on to everyone you care about (hence a large Christmas card list). Apologizing for something I didn’t do is better than not speaking to each other. Fractured relationships cause me great pain consuming my thoughts and making it challenging to function.
Wow! That is an exhausting list! Some of those beliefs I have overcome. Others are in the process of changing. Others continue to hold me in bondage. With a mindset of openness, yearning to learn how to function at a higher level in life, I plan to acknowledge the lies one at a time, and dismantle them to unfold the truth. Truly, it is prideful to believe that I am the cause of so many problems. Seriously I’m not that powerful and I’m superglad to know it. My best is all I have, and it is good enough.
Mr. Rogers said, “If you mention it, you can manage it.” Knowing the truth of who we are, allows us to recognize that people pleasers and perfectionists are pathways that lead to destruction of knowing your true self. Discovering our broken personal beliefs that sit inside us, give us the ability to release the flow of love and truth that gets clogged and covered by the lies.
What behaviors are you holding on to that keep you from discovering the truth of Gods’ plan for your life?
Discernment is freeing! Give life the opportunity to be fun and filled with joy!