Recognize Fear
Fear is a most powerful emotion that has great impact in our lives. Our brains are hardwired to respond to fear. They protect us instinctively from physical or emotional pain. When our body responds to a fearful situation, our frontal lobe becomes activated. Our self control moves aside, our brains kick in with a response that we have no control over. Through training, as in our military, or personal experiences, this reaction can be strengthened and more manageable but when we first experience this triggered response, it is a jolt like non other.
As a child, everyone experiences the fight or flight trigger, to varying degrees. A bee sting, a horror movie, a verbally abusive faith leader, a distant mother, a physically abusive uncle, a grief of either pet or loved one are just a few examples.
The frontal lobe may not fully developed until we reach our 30’s. Because it is the last part of the brain to mature this leaves a lot of room for unhealed injury.
Our brain is incredible at protecting us from harm. It sets up walls of protection that should be temporary but will remain in place unless they are addressed.
When a person experiences trauma, the brain with shut off places where the pain sits. Memories can shift, emotions can grow numb, and behavior patterns get set in place… if the trauma is not healed emotionally and processed orally, it remains hidden in the body, tucked away, like a hidden cancer. That cancer will not remain silent. Some day it will manifest. Within it contains a power of destruction. The only way to detonate the force is to name it.
As Mr Rogers says… when you mention it, you can manage it.
Until the trauma is named it remains hidden. When the root of the cancer is dug up, the path to healing is set in motion.
The trauma causes a lot of undisclosed damage. Once it is exposed, much work is needed to tear down the walls that were put in place… one barrier at a time… it is necessary to dive inward, and fight the battle inside. This is a way of taking back your life, a way of saying I am way more than what happened to me. I am worthy of healing and through healing the flow of love in my life can be enhanced to levels I never dreamed possible.
When we look at more intense childhood trauma, such as regular abuse or neglect, children experiencing war, within their own family life or real military actions, a tragic loss of a parent or loved one, that ignites deep grief, a natural disaster such as living through a tornado or hurricane, or losing a friend to suicide, the frontal lobe may shut down to a deeper degree.
When this occurs the brain cannot learn.
If teachers understood this more, they could understand that the student in their classroom isn’t being rude and disruptive because they are mean. They are acting this way because their brain is wounded and it is not functioning in a way that information can get in. They don’t understand what’s happening to them and they are incredibly frustrated too.
Love and understanding will have way greater impact than punishment. It is beyond their control.
The great news is than any trauma can heal. No matter how deep the wound is, The person remains worthy of love and purpose.
I met a man who was raised in the Congo. At 18, due to the war in his land, he was forced to flee to a refugee camp. His entire family with the exception of 1 sister was killed in the violence. Eventually he made his way to America, found employment, got married, had 2 children and sends his money back to support widows and orphans in the Congo. We were at a trauma healing training when I asked him this question. What is the hardest thing about living in the United States? His response, with a huge smile sitting on his face, there is nothing hard about living in the US.
His answer left me speechless. It also gave me a greater understanding about many things! One of them is allowing me to see an example of trauma healed.
Once we name the trauma, what next?
Through love, mercy and empathy, if the person that is stuck in trauma can find people who accept them, people who do not reject them, then can build the confidence that they are not alone. That confidence can lead to the courage needed to go through radiation and chemotherapy. It is a very difficult struggle. There may be hair loss and vomiting along the way but the fight is well worth the future! Remove those cancer cells and life becomes more vibrant, more beautiful, more worth living.
We were never promised a life without pain. Seriously in today’s world can you find anyone who is not suffering in one way or another? So let’s do this together. Let’s walk alongside each other. On days when we feel strong maybe we can listen better. On days when we feel weak, let’s look for a trusted friend to help carry our load. One thing I know for sure, we can’t waste anymore time hiding the pain. It will not go away on its own. We must find the freedom to address what has happened to us.
Fear of the past has held us in bondage for too long. Don’t be afraid to re-examine what you have been through… if you have already healed from your trauma then reflect and appreciate where you are now, like my friend from the Congo.
If you have not healed your trauma, look back…I know it sucks!… anger may arise, shame may sit in, blame may capture your thoughts… do not reject any of it… just let it move through you… don’t dam it up (another wall) don’t deny it (it will go back in your body as an unhealed wound) and don’t react to your feelings… just allow them time…as chemotherapy feels awful, it needs time. Don’t fight against it just allow it to work.
As you process… respect your emotions but don’t get stuck there… keep moving forward, complete the radiation therapy, don’t stop in the middle.
When your emotions have been given the freedom to express, the energy they carry will have less impact…
At some time in the future… day by day… the trauma will eventually heal. The memory of the pain will grow lighter, the idea that you survived a great assault will help you believe that you are worthy and you are created for a purpose…
And who knows, part of your purpose may be helping others with a similar suffering.
God wastes nothing! When we can see how our pain can be used for good, we can look deep and truly believe that we are valuable!