Should We Be Careful of Who we Befriend?

Should we remain friends to an atheist?
This question arose during a conversation with a young friend. When I was her age I didn’t even know an atheist! I had just begun interacting with people that weren’t raised the same faith as I was. I gave my initial opinion, but boy, did that question continue to marinate!
My answer was yes but don’t give the unbeliever permission to influence you.

Compassion with boundaries needs to be applied. Listen to the person struggling in belief but guard the Truth you hold in your heart.

The question that arose in my thoughts the next morning while in my prayer space was how do you maintain an authentic relationship with an unbeliever?

Because I had just listened to a podcast about CS Lewis. Fresh in my mind was the fact that CS Lewis during an early time in his life considered himself a positive atheist.
Because I cherish his writings, this recent reminder caused more curiosity,

This next jump may not be completely accurate so give me grace in my exploring thoughts…
What if JR Tolkien hadn’t interacted with CSLewis because he was an atheist?
We may not have The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe or any of CS’s profound teachings! I can’t be sure that when the two met, CSLewis was an unbeliever but those incredible creative brains having frequent discussions and you know they had debates, were definitely assets to this world.

As this question continues to move in my thoughts, I think the answer to the question how to be in relationship with an unbeliever may be in the conversation. Listen to what they say, hold onto your beliefs, is there a productive way to discuss the difference?
It may begin in a prayerful stance. Asking God to show us the best way to love that person. Most often it’s not telling them what you know. I believe it’s best to gain a relationship of trust. One that is founded on the truth that I am a child of God and so are you. We have different stories but the same Creator Father. Moving forward in this adopted family relationship, the better we know each other the more authority can be given and taken from the information revealed.

If a “difference of opinion” conversation does occur it’s possible the relationship may experience a pause or hard halt altogether. If that happens it could be something God is doing. When the relationship is in a struggle, seek truth as to why. It’s possible that separation is needed, especially if the person who doesn’t know God, is attempting to change the beliefs of the person who does know God. A power struggle may be in motion and that can require a lot of energy that isn’t often available.

Currently I am learning a big lesson the hard way. As a believer we should try our best to cling to the truth as we have learned it in the scriptures. If the friend is contradicting that truth, we have some choices.
We can recognize it as a difference. Give grace and move forward with boundaries.
Or
We can express our truth and our feelings about the situation. This is an act of courage that could go either way. It could sever the relationship, or it could make the friendship stronger. Discussions can get heated and heavy at times. The tension is unnerving. Stress level increases. Disagreements take energy. Skill in dialogue is helpful to keep our emotions in check to get to the other side.
Without healthy disagreements the relationship is limited to only conversations that are acceptable. You know a relationship is maturing when you care about each other so much that you can get to the place where you can agree to disagree.

If you or the person you are relating with must win, a healthy conversation cannot be had. If the other person needs to be heard more that they are able to listen, something has gone catawonkers in their own emotions. If you witness defensiveness, justification or rationalization, be aware. The conversation may have just hit a hard wall, with no opportunity of progress. Recognize the wall and give up the need to be heard because it isn’t going to go anywhere. You can still love them. Actually we are commanded to still love them but it’s super valuable to know how to do that without returning to the place that leads to someone feeling beat up, battered, and spit out.

Here’s what I learned to be an unhealthy way of staying in relationship, allowing them permission to be who they are at your own expense. If one person is constantly giving grace with no regard to their own feelings and emotions then we have an enabling situation on our hands. That’s not an authentic relationship. It’s one sided. The person enabling the actions is sending the wrong message. By living with only grace and ignoring our own personal truth, the one causing harm cannot see the impact of their actions. They can remain blinded in believing that they are right and everyone else is wrong.

If I were speaking to my young self, I would tell her that her feelings and emotions are valuable tools of measurement. Do not hide them or push them aside. Feel them and consider what they mean. What are they attempting to reveal? Try not to react. Pause to consider what is happening. Pondering the interaction will require energy but it allows space to handle a heated situation with love and truth. A healthy response will be super valuable to both parties.

Did any specific person come to mind while you were reading? Press in and find out why!

Stay Blessed ya’all!